Waste Not, Want Not: Removing Tolerations

One of the best ways to declutter thoughts in a disarray is to have a physical environment visually clean, tidy and attractive. It serves a better purpose.  The mind can be renewed with fresh thoughts and ideas and an overall sense of well-being.

But many times as we get older, we tend to tolerate more things or situations for the sake of “letting things be” without really giving much thought to the consequences.  We allow ourselves to get caught up in the family drama, we try to play a role in the family to make sure everyone is happy even though we’re miserable.  We will say “yes” when we really want to say “no”. And we make excuses for others whose behavior is, frankly, inexcusable.

We all have been there at one time or another.  We all had others depend on us because they refused or chose not to depend on themselves.  Sometimes we tolerated things and people to be liked, to be popular, to be relied upon.  The downside on this is that we tolerate it until we accept it as part of our every day routine though it doesn’t bring us any closer to fulfillment or satisfaction. In fact, it often turns to internal resentment and even animosity towards others.

This all starts with tolerations. It’s not a bad thing, but if left unchecked can result into a bigger problem, mess or undesirable situation that may require massive overhaul resolution.

Perfect example is when I was recovering from shoulder surgery last November, I could not do anything – just had to keep the shoulder immobile as much as possible for several weeks. The only time I could move it was during physical therapy and when I needed to clean up or change clothes. Everything around me was just left as it was – cleaning was done by The Hubs but when he had time to do it which was usually on weekends.

I hated the mess. I hated being fully dependent on him. I had to get used to feeling less in control and tell myself the cleaning up can take place later next Spring.

Well, four months later – Spring arrived and I was still making excuses to leave things messy. I sometimes argued with The Hubs that once my sholulder can actually lift light weight items, I would start cleaning up and organizing. Eventually, when my physical therapists began adding weights to my exercises, my muscles strengthened along with the mobility and range of motion.

Now heading into 6 months out of post-op surgery, I no longer was allowing these “messy” tolerations lying about the house; I needed to take action, take stock into how to improve the look of the place and remove unsightly items that were either to be tossed away, donated, sold or boxed away.

Sometimes in our lives, we keep things around that slightly irritate us or when we look at us make us give out heavy sighs or roll our eyes and say, “Oh gosh…yeah, I forgot about that! Ugh. Just leave it. I’ll deal with it later.” And we push it up against a wall, or put it away in a drawer so we don’t need to look at it. Sound familiar?

Why do we keep these “tolerations” around? It could be the toleration is a relationship. A long-time friendship college days, highschool or chidlhood. It could be putting up with snide remarks from a cantankerous relative who doesn’t know those remarks are nasty jabs to self-image because that person is insecure as well. No one says anything. It’s just tolerated.

In my young 51 years, I have learned there are things and people I will tolerate and there are things and people I will not tolerate. At times, the things or people are out of my control but I can certainly control how I response or react and can certainly take action based on my response or reaction.

It is important to take the time to figure out if what we’re allowing is a reasonable discomfort to provoke us to take eventual action or if it is something easier to not deal with because if we do, it will result in negative feedback or hurt feelings. Sometimes feeling pain is a necessary step to heal. Just like with my recovering shoulder – physical therapy was necessary so my shoulder could get back into working motion again. Did I enjoy it? Hell no, not all the time. But as the shoulder got stronger, more flexible and put forth work into the home exercises in between visits, then it got easier, better and now enjoyable.

I enjoy learning new exercises to improve my range of motion for my shoulder.  Physical activity is so important! I also enjoy learning new technology and concepts to create additional income online. Mental stimulation to acquire more knowledge or skill-set is key to keep from feeling old and decrepit.  I embrace new and better ways of thinking to eliminate old, negative habits and replace them with better, consistent steps.

One thing I no longer tolerate of myself is making excuses not to get physical exercise daily. Physical therapy is only two times a week at 40-minute sessions. That is not enough to get this well-rounded, lovable woman into better shape. Also, as we age, it does get more difficult to keep a healthy waistline, stamina and healthy immune system.

Exercise is one of the best ways to keep from getting sick.

One of the recent online courses I came across was at a site called Motivating the Masses. The founder is a motivational coach and author, Lisa Nichols. Her story from broke-to-abundance on a Dan Lok podcast so impressed me, I had to search her website online. She had talked about an annual writing and speaking workshop she does each year in San Diego. Well, I found the website and I immediately learned about the 28 days to Results program. I also signed up to attend the conference as a virtual attendee.

The 28-day to Results program that helps a person achieve small, doable goals which in turn provides consistent, positive and healthy habits in 9 different environments impacting one’s life. There is a lesson each day via e-mail and an action task to implement what was learned.

In one of the early lessons, I learned about responsibility and my homework was to select an environment I was going to implement an achievable goal each day to improve that environment. I also needed a tool to help implement that action task so I could start being consistent with that responsibility goal. So I created a Health Responsibility jar.

Good health has always been a battle with me since childhood. Being born and raised in Hawaii, I was exposed to a lot of damn, good food. My father was a former executive hotel chef, my Mom enjoyed cooking and baking and we always had delicious food around the house. Of course I was going to grow into a huggable, lovable “well-rounded” individual.

What became a fondness for food turned into obsession as I got older. However, allowing myself to “tolerate” eating an over-abundance of foods both healthy and unhealthy was not a good balance in moderation. With lacking exercise and leading a semi-sedentary life, my eating “tolerations” followed me into my teen years and adulthood. This resulted in obesity, diabetes and high blood pressure. Sadly, this is a self-destructive cycle that continues in my family to this day.

But I have been fortunate to meet others who have been in my situation and turned themselves around; I have had many positive experiences by engaging with organizations like Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig and Nutrisystem. They are all great plans and I have lost weight utilizing them at one time or another.

Yet, I gained it all back eventually. Why? Because the habit of “tolerations” as applied to food remained. It never went away, never got fully addressed and I had was not consistent in accountability. Habits take time to be replaced with better ones and as long as I was keeping it around, allowing it to remain and fester in my life, there could be no progress to create a different outcome.

That has changed since a week ago; learning about the concept of the Health Responsibility Jar as a tool to guide me to create a daily activity goal: 10,000 steps daily, no matter what. Even if I have to get the steps in up until I shower and go to bed, I choose to not compromise, make excuse or procrastinate til another day. If I don’t hit the daily steps, I put a $1 in the jar.

As I progress each day, I see the results of my steps because I post it to my Instagram account and share it with a few friends online that encourage me and hold me accountable. It is not easy, especially with this the capricious rainy weather in Oregon. I still walked my route to town during a downpour yesterday – and I arrived home soaking wet with only half my route walked but I was already near the 9,000 steps so I just kept doing cleaning tasks I needed to take care of because I kept putting it off (you see how motivation works once you start seeing results?).

It’s been 7 days, and my overall energy level is up. I’m excited, motivated and choose to stay on this path because learning what I tolerate and don’t tolerate is an ever-changing process. Do I still have days I don’t want to walk to town? Sure, I do but then I remember words by Tony Robbins: “Change is inevitable. You can’t stop it. What matters is what progress are you making when change happens?”

Don’t allow tolerations to keep you from making progress. Instead, bring one to completion and move on. I know I have and will continue to remove them one by one.


10 thoughts on “Waste Not, Want Not: Removing Tolerations

  1. afolabi anumicheal says:

    I mHello how are you today. I must say you did very will with the way this website look, it shows you really put a lot of work into it

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  2. Anna L Jarvis says:

    Do you still have a website it says not found then its there what gives? The article is good are you monetized yet? are you getting visitors are you using keywords? how are you doing with the website overall? I think I just want to run ads I don’t know about all this writing. You write well. Hawaii must be nice I hear its expensive. I like milk and beef to much to live in Hawaii. Well I hope you attract lots of traffic! Good Luck!

  3. Shalei67 says:

    Thank you. I’m aware of the problem and will be working on getting it corrected. I like what I’m doing and it’s still developing as i’m learning the training. right now, its just a lifestyle blog addressed to the 50+ crowd because that’s my age bracket and I’m writing about my experiences. I will eventually run ads  of products & services I personally use and would recommend. Good luck on your endeavors. Hawaii isn’t the only city that’s expensive to live in. Best success to you!

  4. Shalei67 says:

    Hello. It should be working now. I just googled it and i got to my website with no problem. Appreciate you taking the time to comment.

  5. Dhayours says:

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  6. Chris says:

    That’s a very interesting article, and you’ve put your opinions on toleration across really well. 

    In my extended family unit it seems to be my mother that has been lumbered with the job of being the most tolerant…and this results in her constantly putting everyone else first for the sake of overall ‘happiness’. It’s strange really, but family members tend to then rely on her tolerance…and she has an even tougher time of it than she deserves (I am guilty of doing this from time to time!). 

    Really thought provoking article – a great read, and thank you for sharing. 

  7. Andrew says:

    Hi there! I just stumbled upon your article and thought that I would just offer my thoughts on the subject. I know exactly what you are talking about here. I haven’t quite reached fifty yet, but I certainly tolerate quite a lot when it comes to being untidy. A few years ago I started running an online business which takes up quite a bit of my time and that’s my excuse for not tidying up quite as often as I should. However, I do feel that “mess” in general has a bit of a negative impact without you noticing. On the occasions that I have de-cluttered and made my working area free of anything that I don’t really need, I feel so much better and able to focus. And exercise is another thing that I avoid! Running an online business means sitting for quite a long time, so I really should get more exercise. You make some great points in this article! 

    Thanks for making me think!

    I wish you good health for the future. 


  8. Shalei67 says:

    Thank you for your positive feedback. The article was written based on research but also personal experience. I’ve been traveling the road of life for almost 52 years but have only started re-discovering myself in the last 15. I think so many people haven’t slowed down yet enough to relax, renew and recover from all the “drama and stress” that entangles them. But it comes down to making a decision or just tolerating a condition. Keep thriving!

  9. Shalei67 says:

    Hi, Chris. Thank you for your sharing. Yes, family members are…interesting to deal with. We don’t get to cherry pick’em, we have to just love and encourage them – sometimes in a gentle way and sometimes in a tough way. What I have learned in my short 52 years on this planet is that removing tolerations (a topic I learned from Lisa Nichols) is not easy and people (esp family / friends) will even become adversaries to prevent you from making changes. Once a decision is made, thoughts lead to action. Action leads to habits. The best way to overcome? Make a decision. Take action. Lead by example.

  10. Shalei67 says:

    Thanks, Andrew! You should read my “Health Accountability Jar” article. It is something that I continue to do but just upped the “ante” on how much I put in the jar if I DO NOT reach my daily goal. Aloha!

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